And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
