i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i just google imaged poop.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Randomize
