You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
