Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
