Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
