when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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