my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
