No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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