So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
