i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
