four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
