The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
