just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Found the puke drawer
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize