I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
