So drunk its hurt
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
