New low: just hacked my moms facebook
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
