I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
