I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
