finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
