U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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