glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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