i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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