well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
