You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
