It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
