Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Is Oprah even human
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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