I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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