dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
