his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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