Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
