Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize