i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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