I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize