I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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