Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
