This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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