I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
