I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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