I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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