True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
