Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
