i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
