You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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