apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
