He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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