My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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