are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
