I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
