i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
