ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
