My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
