Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
