That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
