Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
