I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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