last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize