Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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