My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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