what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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