it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize