This dress was meant to end up on your floor
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
