I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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