I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize