I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
