I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
