Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize