Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
We had sex on a dog bed..
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
