girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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