I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Randomize
