My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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