my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
