I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
