paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
