she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
smell my finger.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
