I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
