I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
