I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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