Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
